clomid round 5

yep, you read that right. I have officially started clomid round 5 with round 4 being not even two weeks ago. So round 4 clearly did absolutely nothing and I know for a fact round 3 did nothing as well. I didn’t want to even take round 5 but I need some peace at the end of this. Knowing I’ve/we’ve tried everything I/we possibly can. The amount of pain I am in is absolutely absurd. I have officially been transferred to a specialist and can not wait for more tests. At least that way maybe I can find out what causes me so much pain.

well that’s all I have for an update.

the quality of my blogs not unlike my eggs are diminishing. Dang clomid.

THE VERSATILE BLOGGERS AWARD

versatile-blogger-award

Thanks so much to Que Milagro for nominating me.

Rules for nomination:

  1. Post the award on your blog.
  2. Thank the person who nominated you.
  3. Share 7 facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 blogs.
  5. List the nominees and let them know about it!

1) I am a well traveled individual. I have been to Mexico at least 6 times, Dominican Republic twice (with hopes of returning in January), Cuba three times, Venezuela once and Florida once. Traveling is just about the only time in my life that I ever remember experiencing relaxation.

2) I am a well educated individual. I have 3 diplomas and a year of corrections.

3) I have two dogs of which I named Chemo and sabi. Chemo came first and was named that due to personal reasons and sabi followed. Thought it was only fitting.

4) I feel like I am the funniest person in the entire world. Then nobody laughs….

5) I am almost 26 years old and I feel like I am at least 36 due to the fact that I have more medical problems than the average 60 year old.

6) Its really hard for me to accept myself… or to feel completely happy. I always feel like something could be better. Maybe that isn’t such a bad thing however as I said before… relaxation is an expensive feat.

7) I have put up with/dealt with some seriously horrible stuff, and still am and probably always will. However somehow some way I make it through each and everything that tries to set me back. I am just recently starting to feel defeat. I feel as though I’ve lost my strength.

I now nominate:

Mother-Blogger

My Brain’s Escape

In Search of Poopy Diapers

Mama et Maman

And that’s all I have time for at 6:39 in the am (on no sleep) since I have my check up with the fert doc at 9:30am.

Infertility: dealing with my broken body

As our infertility journey has progressed, it has thrown me for a loop. The fear of the unknown and unexpected have jolted my anxiety into high gear. What I thought was going to be the end has now become at least another 3 months of clomid. I am angry. Angry that I finally felt released from this bear claw trap and now I feel even more stuck.

On one hand, I want this to be over with, to be happy and pain free would be amazing. On the other hand I will never live with myself if we don’t follow this path, the path of extra doctors appointments and months of clomid. Knowing that we gave it our ALL will set me at ease when it’s all said and done (when do you know when that is?) and we are still left with no baby.

The problem is, this disease is starting to affect my job. It’s causing pain that is uncontrollable, major headaches, major hot flashes that make me feel like passing out. How do I deal with my broken body?

I don’t know if I will ever get that answer though. I know that infertility is something you will always deal with, whether you end up having a baby or not but I imagine it is much easier to “deal” with once that happens. The thought of never gaining another member of this family destroys me. It destroys me for my son and husband. What if all this work is for nothing? At what point do we realize it’s for nothing? When do we draw the line? When do we feel comfortable with our decision to quit “trying”? When do I accept my broken body???

Clomid Fail

Well this week brings an end to round 3 of clomid. The usual AF symptoms are making themselves noticeable. This leads us to our “follow up” with our doctor which I’m sure will be the end of our stay with him and onto the next stage. I am not ready for this step!

If this month is indeed a fail, I will be putting this baby making thing on the back burner. I’m done with the hurt, the stress and definitely the needles -> yuck! 

I will of course keep y’all updated with results, future thoughts and plans and of course what’s going on in my still infertile life.

For now we are focusing on finding a summer event and our trip to Dominican in January. If anyone has any ideas for a summer endeavour that would be awesome.

Requirements include:

  • Week long stay
  • Must be child friendly
  • Further away (live in between Kingston and toronto)
  • Lots of activities

Well guys, until next time;

Jessica xx

M.I.A

So for the last few weeks I’ve been M.I.A, I must first start by apologizing for that! Life gets in the way sometimes. This is going to be a fast track update on what’s been going on in my still infertile life.

So to start; I just finished round 3 of clomid and I’m already feeling the effects. Round three is kicking my ass mentally more than anything! If you remember from my older posts round two was very calm minus the hot flashes (which I’m now missing in this -40 weather). With that being said that clearly means I am not pregnant. After the doctor calling and telling me everything pointed that way (and me arguing the entire time that they were wrong) I was super disappointed. Odd- I know! I vowed to be “over” this! To “live as though I am NOT pregnant” -I failed! Shocker right?

Well… For some reason I’m back on the baby making choo choo train! (I’m a gluten for punishment I guess) I’m over this clomid thing and thankfully so because this month is my last before we reevaluate things. Which in my mind means IUI. I know to some IUI is the easiest of treatments and the least invasive/painful/expensive and so on… but for me… I am not ready for that! So clomid, you have this month only to prove your worthiness and if not… It’s back to trying the good ole fashion way!

To everyone who has always been super supportive of our journey, I am going to make it a priority to update more often! I am back to work -almost- full time which means my life is backwards to everyone else’s (I work nights). Until the next update … Stay happy and warm 🙂 (and keep those babies safe and sound all my infertility SISTAS that have moved on)

Say whhhhaaaa?

So now that I’ve made this life altering decision I spoke of before, I’ve spotted something on my chart that I’ve never seen before. Keep in mind the only reason I am even continuing to chart is because I was on a medicated cycle before I had my epiphany. No point wasting meds right? 😉

Here are some pictures of my FF… Pick it apart PLEASE!

IMG_6880

IMG_6881

Notes:
*there was many more AM’s and PM’s, I just note the worthy ones or ones I remember the date of :p
*I usually get AF on cd 28 (turns into cd 1) clomid has messed that up :p
*second month of clomid
*3rd month post hsg test
*last months progesterone test was 42.5
*last year in medicated progesterone was 27.1

***UPDATE:***
My doc office called while I was sleeping and spoke with my husband, and of course got him going! He was like a child the entire time- dying to wake me up-
She told him my cd 24 progesterone test came back at 61.5 (42.5 last month and 27.1 the year before unmedicated) and the doctor wrote “outstanding results” on the form! She told him that she thinks this is the month and that I need to take a test! Rrrreeeallllyyyy?

So he wakes me like an ADHD child (I can say that because I was one) and tells me I must go pee! I take the test and BAM! Not pregnant! Shocker!!!! I’m only 9dpo but still with numbers like that I would figure it would show?

Damn doc!! Hehe

UPDATE AGAIN:
I went I to my FF and this is what I seen…

IMG_6882

I don’t understand what’s going on? FF is changing all around and now I have what looks even more like an implantation dip.
Hmmm!